Dear Doctor Lover,

I am young only 19 but I have never really dated and now that I’m approaching 20 many people find it odd that I don’t date. it’s not that I don’t want to its just that for some reason men only want sex from me, and after a lot of pain and heartache I’ve just decided to cut my losses and stop giving any man that pays attention to me the time of day. I know I am having a fear of rejection, but I find myself seeing past problems in every man. But doctor my question is how do I go about dating, I don’t know any of the rules of dating or the do's and don'ts.

Sincerely, ready for love

Dear, Ready for love

I don’t know if what you have is a fear of rejection. It sounds like you may have a fear of wasting your time. Seeing pass problems of men are something that a lot of women do, which is why relationships always end in a big bomb. My suggestion to anyone who sees pass problems of the opposite sex is to focus on the reality and not the dream. In Why do good girls, like bad guys? I spoke of women who dream with their eyes closed are more likely to get tricked in relationships. What I meant by this was that, yes, you can dream – but don’t be blind to reality as you do dream. Dream with your eyes open rather than closed. If you continue to try to see pass men’s problems, you will succeed in convincing yourself that they don’t have any problems.

Focus on the reality of who that man is now. Not who he will or can be, but who he is now. If you live on a dream of the future, you will die to the reality of today.

As for dating, there are no real rules. I know you probably hear it a lot when someone says to “be yourself.” That statement is very true. In order to find a man that will love you for you, then you need to BE YOU – the real, everyday you – upfront. Not the “I’m looking for a man” you. As for sex, I don’t recommend it to anyone before marriage. Not that I’m old school, but because I believe sex is a key factor in ending “the chase” for men. If you can wait, you’re more likely to find the one that loves you for you and not just for the chase.

Dating tip #1 : don’t take dating tips.

~Doctor Lover

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