Dear Doctor Lover,

I have been married for a couple years. I love my husband, but I am still deeply in love with my ex boyfriend. We both got drunk a few nights ago and he told me he is still in love with HIS ex but he doesn't want to be with her and no matter what he still wants to be married to me. I am really conflicted and have no idea what to do. I feel like we should separate and get our priorities in order but I don't know how to suggest this to him without breaking his heart.

Sincerely, Confused

Dear Confused,

I believe that if you truly do have feelings for your ex that you simply cant get over and you'd rather work it out with your ex versus your husband, I believe that you do need to move on from your marriage. In marriage, you may sometimes have doubts, but if your doubts are leading you to want to separate instead of work through it, you may need that time to get your priorities together. It doesn't seem as though your husband has the issue, it seems that you do. He made up his mind that though he is still in love with his ex, he loves you more and because you are his wife, he wants to make it work with you rather than someone else. It seems that you are simply trying to give up on the marriage and continue to test your single mindset.

The fact is that you will always have feelings for your ex. You shared something great with them. They are your ex for a reason. You shared a great relationship and friendship with that person. You will always forever be in love with them. Nonetheless, you married your husband and that means something. And what it means is trying. Not giving up or separating because you want to go test the waters.

I don't believe that there is much of a way to announce this to your husband that you want to separate without letting him know why. In that case you will need to let him know about your feelings for your ex and how strong they are. From there your husband could take that any way. He may be upset or he may understand about the situation depending on how much he believes you truly need the time to see. If you let him know that you are truly sorry and just cant take the pressure any longer of the feelings, then he may be able to take it better. I doubt that his feelings wont be hurt. However, he may be understanding to them.

On another note, if my wife were to announce that to me, I doubt I would be in that relationship any longer. To me, it would show how much she cares about our relationship and how important I am to her. You have to think of it like someone having kids. Though you may have loved the time without your kids, you don't give up on them to explore life further. It's a commitment that you made and you need to stick through it and fight it out. If you aren't willing to fight, why should he wait?

~Doctor Lover