Dear Doctor Lover,

At first, the thought of me cheating on my girlfriend was just outrageous. I thought I would never do it. I love my woman and I would never let some other woman come and break up our strong relationship. There was no way in hell I would cheat on this woman that I loved with my everything and was 100% dedicated to. She loved me, I loved her, and that was all we needed to make it work. 

I hardly did anything in the beginning. I was attracted to other women as any straight man would be, but never did I think about cheating. I would have female friends sleep at my place. I would go out places with other women, but never did I even think about cheating. Until last week when it hit me: I was in need and I had it right in my face. Do not mistake me by saying that I am just a horny ass man thinking with his other head. I never wanted to, but the big question was, "How would she ever find out?" I'm in the military and live in another country where no one knows my woman personally. The truth is she'll never find out if I don't want her to.

I guess with all the peer pressure from my friends and all the single and married women looking for a fling, it finally got to me. I tried to stay dedicated as long as I could, but unfortunately, I hate to use the phrase, "one thing led to another," but that is what happened. I have friends who have a woman back at home and cheat on them all the time without even thinking about their woman's feelings.

I have friends that run trains on women. You have your sluts and your common "My man is in the desert" housewives looking for satisfaction. You have legal aged military brats in college who want a piece of a working man. I have yet to see someone in the military get caught cheating. I have friends of mine who have wives and kids back at home. When their wife comes to visit, everything is cool because the mistress already knows about his wife. I even have a friend who has a wife and three kids back at home, but in the military he is currently undergoing three rape allegations on other women that his wife knows nothing about.

My question to you is; should I tell my woman, or should I just let it go? My woman back at home doesn't know anything and I just don't know if she needs to know. However, I just feel so guilty and I know I won't be able to look at her the same. Please help me figure this out.

Sincerely
Mr. Long-Distance Love

Dear Mr. Long-Distance Love,

Here are some facts that you may find interesting about long distant relationships:

The best estimates suggest that about 7 million couples in the United States consider themselves to be in a long distance relationship (LDR). These include 2.5 to 3 million long distance marriages and between 3 and 4.5 million dating couples. Some studies suggest rates of long distance marriage as high as 10-16%. Up to 63% of military marriages are long distance. Among college students, 25% report being in an LDR at any given time and 78% report having had an LDR at some point during their time in college. Among first year college students, estimates suggest that as many as 50% of students report an LDR ("FAQs about Long Distance Relationships, 2004).

Cheating long distance is probably the easiest way to cheat. You can cheat and not even have to think about it for the rest of your life. It's hardly ever discovered, and there are no consequences unless someone gets pregnant. Even if someone does, it can still be covered with an unknown abortion, which I'm sure most people do in your situation.

There is not much two lovers can do to satisfy one another in long distance relationships. The only things they have are hourly phone calls, which turn into daily phone calls, which turn into weekly phone calls, which turn into monthly phone calls, and well, you get the rest. The top excuses used for the phone calls are probably the obvious time difference, the phone bill being too high, or you've just been so busy and trying to catch-up on sleep. There is no better way to get away with cheating when your lover has trouble calling you, or when they cannot stop by and see you.

I'm sure the phone calls lasted at first and held you together, but frustration from being apart normally kicks in and so does the arguments. The arguments lead to no phone calls, gifts, or emails for short periods. You'll start hanging up on one another, which will lead you to finding a way to get over the argument and vent your frustration. You'll need a shoulder to lean on, and you'll find someone who can give you that attention you crave and need. I know that while being in a long distance relationship, you can't help to look and desire the other women around you. It probably feels like being in a candy store and not being able to have any even though you have a sweet tooth. I'm sure that you just want to taste it all.

What you need to think about is how much do you love your woman and are you going to do it again. If you can honestly say that you aren't going to cheat again, then don't feel bad. What you also need to think about is how well do you know your woman and can she handle it. If you know she won't accept it, then you have to decide on whether you are ready to let her go or not. If she means as much as you say she does, then I would suggest to just leaving it alone and not telling her at all. You mentioned yourself that she will never find out.

Nonetheless, if you need to clear you conscious, then you need to tell her.

Cheating on your woman is easy. It's probably going to be the easiest thing that you have ever done in your relationship. However, if you really want to show how strong your relationship is, what you need to do is stay committed. Ask yourself is the instant gratification worth it? Would you want her to tell you? You sound like a good man and what you need to do is prove yourself not just to your relationship, but also to yourself. If you know you can't handle the long distance and temptations of other women, then just go ahead and let her go. However, if you truly love your woman, then do what love would do.

~Doctor Lover